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Goodnight Tex, Ducky.

2007-03-07 / 12:03 a.m.

I see now, after uploading this one, that it's tremendously long. Don't bother. Go play outside--you'll be too old and frail to play soon.

Today has been comically bad, really. It�s one of those rare shitty days where I�ve managed to keep perspective maintain a fairly sunny disposition despite shit shower that�s been raining down over my life. I wake up today knowing how far behind I am for the week. I have a midterm at 6:30, class at 3:00, so I know I�m going to spend most of my morning studying for said midterm. I also know that I�ve got a substantial (pretty much mandatory) chunk of reading to do before Wednesday, and a hefty load of studying to keep from letting my comps study group down Thursday morning. I also add into the equation the fact that I agreed to bake something for the relay-for-life bake sale ninja-club is holding, and said baked good needs to be delivered tonight (Tuesday night) or tomorrow morning (Wednesday morning). I took a temporary job across town walking a dog at least 4 times a week a few days ago, so I�m also thinking about plotting out the best dates and times to go. So I hit the ground running. I study for awhile, then go to the store to buy brownie mix�.

On my way home from El Kroger, my car starts doing the �I�m broken� dance, where its gauges register �high� and �empty� and everything starts to cry. Crap, crap, crap, crap. I do not have time for this, car. Park at the bank, check fluids, pray, let car sit for a second, drive home with hot car. I know I�m going to have to take my car in to be looked at, and decide that I�ll do it on the way to school. Not sure how to pay for this, but whatever. Now, I have to study and bake!

Somehow, I manage to get two batches of brownies in and out of the oven, and finish making the 4�x6� notecard we�re allowed to use during the test. Schweet. I watch Jeopardy while putting the finishing touches on the brownies and then jump in the shower. I totally punish at Jeopardy, you should know that. I watch Jeopardy on the Game Show Network at noon just about everyday while I eat my lunch. I beat the foreign guy and the geeky guy and the lady in MENSA and the kid that won his regional spelling bee. I totally rule the Jeopardy school. They should let me be on the show. I�d win, and I�d buy a hybrid car and have $$ left over for cosmetic surgery and an apartment.

The next 40 minutes is a flurry of activity�.shower, dress, makeup, teeth, feed cat, wonder about hybrid cars, fill cat water, call someone to pick up the brownies and take them to ninja-class tonight, think about God, pack bag (check three times for calculator, four times for 4x6 card), call mechanic, find a ride home from class, print bus schedule, and check my e-mail.

About 2.6 miles away from home, the car starts to overheat again, big time. I stop at Subway to call roadside assistance to get towed to the mechanic. Unfortunately, roadside assistance�s free towing will include a 2 hour wait. Seeing that class is in less than two hours, I opt to pay $45 for towing (groan) from the company that works for the mechanic. I call the company, and buy a sandwich. (So long, diet!). It only takes them a few minutes to get there, and before long my brownies, backpack and I were all cozy between two grizzled towtruck drivers heading downtown.

Fast forward. I�ve dropped off my car and I�m walking to school. Me, my brownies, and everything else. The baked goods exchange went without a hitch, and I made it to my first class on time�just in time to get my midterm grade back. Guys! I didn�t fail! I got a C-! Yay! Yay? During the breaks in the class, I�m on the phone, learning that I�m about to spend another couple hundred on the car I swore I wouldn�t put anymore money into, and trying to find someone who will let me drive their car to walk the doggie. (THANKS, MIKE!)

The midterm in the next class wasn�t bad, though I probably could have done better if I weren�t so drained from go-go-going all day. Luckily, there�s a sweet boy in my class who didn�t mind driving me home when I finished, even though I had to ask him to take me to the mechanic�s first, since I left my house key there with my car key. IDIOT!

And the icing: When I check my e-mail for the first time since noon, I see that the bake sale has been postponed for two weeks, and my Brownies are no longer needed. I don�t know where they are now, but I suspect they�re being eaten somewhere, and feeling like they�re short lives have been a complete waste. Everyone still has cancer! You brownies did nothing to help at all!

But let�s accentuate the positive! I found my lost earring. I�m going to make $200+ just for walking around with a big, sweet golden retriever. I�m totally infatuated with my cat and I think I�m going to have to make sure she lives forever. The cat is in utter bliss right now, by the way. The cat thrives on clutter. The messier my apartment gets, the more shit she can lay on. Last time I checked, she was laying on pajama pants with one leg inside my purse and her front foot draped casually across my shoe.

In closing, a theory. Ann Coulter claims that she thinks Bill Clinton displays �latent homosexual tendencies� because (she thinks) he has lots of indiscriminate sex and finds all women attractive�basically, she seems to suggest that he overcompensates? Then she starts to go in a different direction, saying that the (perceived) promiscuity suggests that he�s narcissistic, and that there�s some level of narcissism in homosexuality, �because you�re in love with someone that looks like you.� If this is true, does the fact that Ann Coulter keeps calling men gay suggest that she herself might have �latent homosexual tendencies?� And the fact that she plays up her notion of conservatives being better looking than liberals, and the fact that she plays up her own (imagined) good looks? Holy crap! Maybe Ann Coulter is a closeted lesbo riddled with guilt!








I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren.

2007-03-02 / 1:06 a.m.

I�ve been increasingly worried lately that I�m becoming (or have already become!) that girl. You know, the one with retarded social skills who�s trying really hard to be fun and awesome and liked but fails anyway? Always kind of standing near a conversation, hoping to enter it, but not knowing how�.then attempting to participate, and sounding like an ass? The girl who says things that seem funny or interesting, only to consider them more carefully five minutes later and realize that they were completely weird. �That girl� will eventually evolve into the type that invites herself to your birthday party, only to arrive and talk incessantly about Battlestar Galactica. I cannot become that girl. I need friends.

Wednesday was a day full of unexpected olfactory and auditory reminders of different times and places�but only nice times and places, which was nice. I woke up all content and pleasant-feeling Wednesday morning. The combination of the very first bits of sunlight, and the crispness of the air, and the chattering birds made it feel just like waking up at ASC. Not that I�m pining to go back to college per se, but the quality of life on campus was pretty freaking good, and I miss the smells of dewey grass and dining hall pancakes that I used to wake up to. �several hours later, I took a midterm which I most likely failed, and the air stunk of mediocrity and frustration.

The new game in tae kwon do class seems to be forms and sparring every day, which is pretty great. Unfortunately, I�ve lost a lot of my sparring thunder. Not only am I discouraged because I suck and don�t seem to be improving, but I keep getting the shit kicked out of me. Tonight�s hilarious source of pain: hitting simultaneously knee-to-knee with the lady I was fightin� with. She made a bigger show of things than I did; I hope that doesn�t mean she got hurt worse, because my knee is black and swollen and pissed off (underneath it�s icy towel, at least)

I downloaded �West Bank Story� (the short film that won the Oscar) on iTunes, but haven�t watched it yet. Has anyone seen it? I�m pretty sure I owe it to myself to learn more about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict before I watch the movie--ahem�short film. I�m embarrassed to admit that I�m woefully ignorant on a lot of the intricacies and geographical boundaries that are important.

I had more to say, but I forget. :*( It was good too! Better than telling you all about my newest bruise even! I�ll have to write the rest of this entry when I don�t have a 9:00 am study group the next day.








You better believe I'm going to find all the heart pieces this time.

2007-02-22 / 12:43 a.m.

Good golly, I miss having time to update. It seems like all I do these days is school work, work-work, and Twilight Princess as a device to avoid the two aforementioned tasks. And you�d think with all this crap, I�d be looking forward to getting out�.but I�m kinda� not in a hurry for the moment to come. I�m going to miss the freedom to get up at 6:00am or 10:00 am, depending on how I�m orchestrating my days. Anyway, between Rawls and Felons and Econometrics (oh my!), I�ve been busy. Here�s some information in several distinct nutshells:

You know what�s gross? When the cat vomits nearby while you�re eating. I couldn�t finish eating with the puke nearby, and didn�t want to finish eating after I had disposed of the puke. It�s really a no-win situation. Lucy didn�t like the vibe either. We compensated with chocolate and alcohol and catnip and tuna flavored treats. Thankfully, Lucy pukes less than average, but this month I�ve been remiss on administering the hairball prevention goo. There. Is that enough discussion of cat barf? Now you can all stop writing to me, begging for details about cat puke. Finally, gah!

I talked to Mr. LeeboZeebo, my internet friend of almost four years, for the first time on the telephone. Just as I feared, he expressed amusement at the strangeness of my speaking voice; he called it nerdy, but in a good way (?). Nerdy may be a compliment coming from Lee. My dream is to have him come and visit someday when I�m finished living in my Aunt and Uncle�s basement. I�d go visit him, but he lives in Texas: I�ve been banned from crossing the border after �messing� with the large state.

Speaking of living in basements, I voyaged o�er to what is likely my future subterranean home last Sunday.
The cons: 32 miles from work, is a basement, ugly carpet, needs painting, needs cleaning, in Stockbridge, 32 miles from work, far away, creepy cousin upstairs, awkwardness of being a tenant of aunt and uncle, far away.
The pros: Basically free (I�ll pay a part of utilities), cable, wireless internet (Hillary! It�s Motherfuckin Tetris time!), good kitchen, great bathroom, overall quite large, gorgeous backyard, I�ll save a couple Gs not living in town
�honestly, I�m very dismayed at the distance from civilization but happiest about the bathroom. There�s an upright shower, and about the biggest bathtub I�ve ever seen. It�s one of those that�s built into the wall, and it�s so deep that it requires a step to get in. It even has bubble jets! I mean, obviously, I�m happy about saving money�.but this tub! You should see it! I�m going to be the cleanest girl in town.

I have an appointment with the grad coordinator to express my concern over the fact that I�m about to be tested on what I learned in finance class, and I didn�t learn anything. I�m not sure what I expect him to do about it, but I want to voice my uneasiness with the whole business. The advice I�ve gotten from the administration so far has been unacceptable�mostly stuff like, �find a good study group,� �read the textbook� and �have a friend help you with their notes.� Um, I don�t exactly have time or focus to read a finance textbook. I also have relatively few friends who are interested in helping me jump the finance train. Any advice on how I should breach the topic with him? I�m thinking that involving my new bongos could be advantageous.

I beat twilight princess, then managed to accidentally delete the completed file the next day. I feel compelled to beat it again, but better, before I issue my review of the game, which will undoubtedly be widely read and highly influential. Here's a preview of my feelings on Gamecube's swan song: frickin' awesome. No, I'm cool. I swear.

In conclusion: I�d be so happy if I could recover my ability to come up with clever titles for entries like I used to.









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