taskmaster flash

2004-10-18 / 6:35 p.m.

Between 6:30 this morning, and 2:00 this afternoon, I was gladly filling the role of TypeA Emily. This culminated in a meeting with Dr. Scott, in which I dropped off my recommendation materials, and she and I talked about how neat that program at GWU sounded. And, oh wow, she called me cool. But that�s neither here nor there.
I realized that I enjoy being this version of myself because I can concentrate on the things I can control, and can have stuff in order and neatly put together�or at least give that illusion. Emily TypeA doesn�t have to worry about how scary the bigger picture is, or that nagging feeling that existence is hurtling toward disaster�these things are on the periphery: because her advisor called her cool, her PowerPoint presentation on Chechnya was well received, and she managed to wear a decent shirt and go the whole entire day without spilling anything on it.
I got my Foreign policy midterm back�I did pretty well. Still disappointed that it wasn�t the completely-wow-and-astonish-the-professor-who�s-about-to-write-you-recommendations performance I was hoping for, but good all the same. The grade I got back on my Spanish paper wasn�t quite as pleasing�I continue to be stuck in the rut of consistent B student. Could be worse, I suppose.
okay kids, no more dillydallying. I have to go make myself smarter.

anodyne

2004-10-17 / 10:59 p.m.

And then there are moments where everything seems a little clearer. And even though you know that these feelings of order are temporary, and almost certainly erroneous and misplaced, they�re pleasant.

I want a master's in disaster.

2004-10-15 / 11:05 p.m.

Three cheers for Michael (AKA Mikeb) for teaching me The Way. Now that I can upload things again, new "emtv". I know that everyone cares, and this totally this excites and you all.
Several scowls directed at our school's adoption of spam catching software on campus e-mail. In my experience over the last few days, it caught one real piece of spam, my New York Times daily headlines, information about senior investiture, rules for housing over the break, and the dining hall schedule. It has allowed several pieces of correspondence between Michelle and I that were purposely vulgar. They sent out an e-mail the other day talking about what a raging success it was. Yeah, whatever.
I finished getting my recommendation packets together. Tomorrow's goal is to have a working draft of four personal statements: one for the Media/PublicAff program, one of the PublicAff/Latin American studies program, and two to choose from for the other MPP and MPA programs I'm applying to. This is ambitious. Final list of schools is kind of daunting, as they're all good ones...I still didn't really ever get any 'safety schools.' This makes me nervous, but the collective wisdom that is Dr. Awesomeprofessor and Dr. Awesomeadvisor don't think it's too bad....by my final count: George Washington, Georgia, Georgia State, U Texas Austin, Indiana Bloomington, Florida State and Arizona State. Wish me luck....Do it! I'm serious. I'm waiting....psh. whatever.
I've got a mild throat infection. It doesn't hurt much, but it's pretty swollen. I wouldn't mind, except that it's going to make the dentist even more unpleasant if it's still like this Wednesday.
I might be getting yet another weekly job tutoring a high school girl with her essay writing for college applications. Huzzah.
Speaking of writing, someone suggested I submit my McDonald's essay for publication. I'm pretty sure they were just giving it lip service, but I was flattered anyway.
Me and sleep? Yeah, we're still in a fight.
Holycrap. When did I give it permission to start getting cold. WTF. I wonder how long I can hold out with the flip flops. Anyone care to place bets?

Any strange and distant land will do

2004-10-15 / 5:52 p.m.

Helloooooo? Is anyone reading this? I need to get away from computer and personal statements and stuff. Does anyone want to do something? Anyone? anyone? Bueller?

It's lonely here.

not lonely enough to go home. ha.

Dead woman walking

2004-10-14 / 2:22 p.m.

Sleep and I have had a really strange relationship as of late. It seems like when it�s sleeping time, I don�t want to sleep; and when it�s time for Statistics, I�m barely coherent. Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I got very little sleep. I was up late trying to get a paper done well, though I think I probably spent more time letting my mind wander, questioning the meaning of my existence, and meticulously flossing. Clearly, I wasn�t getting much work done, and at about 1:30, finally went to bed. I was not able to fall asleep very quickly.
I woke with the alarm at 5:30, and got up to finish my Spanish paper and my nonfiction revisions, and print them out (along with my polisci midterm exam which I took Tuesday afternoon). Then to weight training, to staff meeting, to Spanish, to Polisci, to lunch, to math, and to non-fiction. After non-fiction, I ran to the store and got labels for my grad school application envelopes.
Can I stray from the sleep discussion for a minute to tell you that I went through forty, FORTY, envelopes, trying to get them to print. My end results were never straight. Ung, I hope labels function better.
After the store, I went to my movie showing for Spanish, and then back to my room to watch the debate. By this point, I was stupidly tired. I managed to stay awake pretty well during the debate, but Math class and the movie showing for Spanish had required a concerted effort to remain conscious.
So I went to bed after the debate. Roger called about 11:30, he and I talked to for a little while about the debate, and some other stuff I don�t even remember anymore. Anyway, I still went to bed at a reasonable hour, and set me alarm to get up and run this morning. I was absolutely determined not to skip today�s run. I can�t deal with this weight I�ve put on anymore, I haven�t been this fat in two years, and it�s making me feel really terrible about myself. It�s gotten to the point where there are days I�m embarrassed to leave my dorm. I know that�s silly and way shallow, but it�s the lame truth. So anyway, I wanted to get up and run�I set my alarm for 6:55 and fell asleep.
Here�s where things get wiggy:
Coming from the 2:04 pm perspective, the events of the morning are very hazy, but here�s what I think happened: My alarm sounded at five �till seven. I did not wake up, but rather sleepwalked outside (which, um, includes climbing down my ladder-stairs), decided that it was pouring rain (which it was not) and went back to bed. At first, I thought that maybe I had just dreamed all this and slept through my alarm, but there is definite evidence to suggest that I did indeed sleep walk. When I got up for real this morning, I noticed my shoes were upstairs, and they were DEFINITELY downstairs when I went to bed�they almost always are. Furthermore, my keys had been moved, and I woke up wearing different clothes than I went to bed wearing�I was half dressed to go running.
I slept straight through the morning, not waking up for real until almost 10:30, and I�m still really sleepy. Ung. The funk I�ve been in lately and the lack of quality sleep are acting together to make me even crazier than I usually am. I hope the cure for this is working on grad school stuff, because that�s what I�m about to go do now.
The School of Media and Public Affairs at George Washington is my new dream school. I discovered the masters program in Media and Public affairs this morning, and made audible sounds of delight over it. It is EXACTLY what I�m interested in right now. I wish I had a snowball�s chance of getting in, not to mention a chance of getting financial support, because it�s my new dream school, and I�d sell a kidney to get in (and to be able to afford it).