Complain much?

2003-01-14 / 9:51 p.m.

I finished Love in the Time of Cholera tonight. All things considered, I give it a thumbs up. I enjoyed it a lot, though it has left me with a lingering depression about the inevitability of growing old. My mother seems older than usual tonight--that's depressing enough. I feel older. Along with feeling old, I feel unaccomplished and plain. It's depressing to me. I've been in a funk all night, walking around between passages of my book eating and talking to the cats. (incedentally, this is why I gain so much weight at home....I walk around grazing like some kind of livestock). As I say constantly, I am blown away by how quickly time passes, and how I feel like I'm not keeping up.

Work is a disturbing example of this rapid passage of time. I find myself having better days at work, and getting through them easier if I just let my mind go free, and become immersed in whatever mindless task I'm doing. Yes, I have found a secret to making time pass even faster. I was overcome by the irony of this while puttering around a stockroom. Still, it's hard to find ways to really enjoy all there is to life while being stuck inside a mall. So here it is, a belated New year's resolution...to try to life life to as full an extent as I can in the coming years, while my body and mind can still handle it. ::sigh:: this is almost identical to last year's resolutions (I can't believe it's been more than I year since we celebrated the end of 01 and the start of 2002).

Next comes the expected agnoy of evaluating progress on last year's resolutions (available through the older archives link on archive page). Alas, I have succeeded in less than half. This year, I am not publishing my resolutions...first, because I'll be embarassed when I don't fill them (like right now), and secondly, because I think I'm just going to concentrate on living life fully, I think everything I would ever want will come in time if I do the best I can in that capacity. oksy, so step one, beat back the depression that's rising in my gut as I write this.....okay...working on it :) I think the trip back to school will be the best remedy. The rigor and stress of classes will wake me up and invigorate me right away. The though is making me feel better already. Despite the sadness in leaving my mom and wonderful kitties, the change is good. I feel better already

So...notable events of the day? not many. I used the service elevator. The hispanic kid who works at the loading dock made eyes at me. I met the woman who does personalized bra fittings. Today wasn't horible. Using the afore mentioned technique, I was done with work in no time at all, and had earned a good day's pay for folding jeans. Speaking of work, my old boss called asking for me to help her out this weekend. She's hosting a really high brow master class, and she needs someone to keep an eye on things. I wasn't going to agree, but the money will be good, the work easy, and the atmosphere enjoyable. Plus, I'll only be there for 6 hours. In the evening, I may be babysitting, but that's not set in stone yet, and I'll be lucky to get to. The child is an angel and the cable is incredible. :)

So there you have it. Possibly one of the most unintersting and gloomy entries in months...sorry :) but I assure you, it's just tonight. I'm tired and cranky, but tomorrow will be better, I'm sure of it.