and so it is.

2004-10-13 / 12:28 a.m.

I�ve been all keep-to-myself and thinkie today. In some non-homework time today, I went on a very long walk to try to collect my thoughts. Between that and my usual early morning run of doom, I�ve clocked an insane amount of miles today. I didn�t need it for the run (because it was on the treadmill), but the walk made good use of my (fairly) new 3$ WalMart pedometer. When I walk quickly, I take about 32 inch steps, FYI.
Currently taking a break from my Spanish paper. It�s not far from being enough words long, but the words aren�t very good ones.
Speaking of barely passable words, I�ve finished my first two major revisions for non-fiction. Looking at the topics for the next half of the semester, I�m guessing that one of these two will probably end up being the one I choose for the public reading. Any of you people coming? I�d post a date, but I forgot what it is. You might be asking yourself: �Why would I go to all the way to the public reading at TheCollege when I can read all of her crap without picking my ass up out of this plush, rolly, deskchair?� Answer: free juice and pretzels. (!!!!!!)
Yesterday, I wrote the beginnings to a cheery entry that talked about the boards covering my windows taken down. I would have posted it today, but the content has now become fiction�.yes, the boards are back. (stone cold sober, as a matter of fact). It seemed like a logical progression to today�s gloom to come back after work to a room that was unnaturally dark and smelled like construction ick.
Took my 2 hour 282 take-home-midterm today. While two hours was enough to make me want to chew fiberglass insulation, it wasn�t enough time for me to satisfactorily answer the essays. I was torn when I finished between being glad to be done, and being pissed that I didn�t have more time.
I�ve become a ball of pessimism about the whole grad school thing. I�m terrified now of my decision to follow the suggestion of Dr. OneOfMyFavoriteProfessors and not really worry too much about picking more �safety� schools. I think this weekend with the rest of my application crap, I�ll pick out another safety and apply there too. South Carolina has a nice climate�I wonder what kind of colleges are near the beach.
Operation fit-in-investiture-dress is enjoying less success than the bay of pigs invasion.
Hey, does anyone else have relatives who seem to be constantly be inadvertently hurting your feelings? I talked to my aunt today, and in a 20 minute phone call, managed to make me feel guilty about my mother�s craziness, reminded me of my impending money woes, and told me I had a fat face. I really like my aunt, but sometimes the calls leave something to be desired.
Bah. Back to work. I�ll file this entry as a lovely example of the kind of crap that�s completely un-fun to read. No�.I can�t end on such a gloomy note. I need to drudge up some good news. Oh! I know! My group member and I got our Math Project back yesterday. 99, baby. We kick so much ass.

geekiest. meme. ever.

2004-10-13 / 12:02 a.m.

Heh. I got this off of "Hidden Woman"'s LJ. This is the kind of shit I do when I'm really, really, disinterested in what I'm supposed to be working on: currently, that would be a discussion in spanish of gay stereotypes and their functionality in "Fresa y Chocolate."

it's not a toomah!

2004-10-09 / 11:22 a.m.

One young married woman, of unquestionable popular intelligence, consulted me concerning a suposed cancer. Her mind was terrible exercised about it, and she hoped her case was not incurable. On examination, the cancer proved to be simply her clitoris, although somewhat inflamed by her frequent manipulations after she first discovered it. At the outset, it was only the natural organ such as is found in all healthy women; but she could not let it alone when she discovered it, thinking she 'must do something for it'....

--E.B. Foote, MD. from Plain Hometalk and Medical Common Sense

heh heh. My study breaks are well spent.

full of electricity

2004-10-09 / 2:57 a.m.

So while I was at home, pre-dentist, I finally lifted something I�ve been meaning to steal from home base for awhile now�..
Pretty much as long as mom and I have lived in this house, there have been a trio of decomposing but charming antique books serving as d�cor on the hall table near the front door. Back when I lived there, I would sometimes thumb through them while I was waiting on someone to pick me up. One of the three was particularly hilarious pre-date reading: a layperson�s home medical guide published in the 1870�s by Dr. E.B. Foote. Anyway, it�s a gem. I finally brought it back, and it still doesn�t fail to crack me up. Between that and �America (the book)�, the Daily Show mock of a history textbook, it�s amazing that I get any real work done at all.
Anyway�.I think I�ll cite Dr. Foote from time to time, as his insight on various physiological issues is priceless. Despite his flawed science, he actually seems a bit ahead of his time�I just read a passage where he talked about how a wife/mother�s work is just as valuable as the work of the breadwinner, and because of this that husbands and wives should split the dinero 50/50. Of course, just when I think that EB Foote might have been a great progressive mind of his time, I get to the following passage and marvel at the weirdness:

Married people sustaining the monogamic relation, especially, make a great mistake in allowing themselves to sleep together. This practice leads in a measure to uncongeniality. From five to eight hours bodily contact in every twenty-four with one person not only causes an equalization of those magnetic elements which, when diverse in quantity and quality produce physical attraction and passionate love, but it promotes permanent uncongeniality by making the married pair grow alike physically. The interchange of individual electircities, and the absorption of each others exhalations, lead directly to temperamental inadaptation�..

Holy crap�.is our science going to look this absurd in 130 years? Heh, and if you liked that, just wait until I get to some of his passages on sex. Holy ducks, hilarious.
Okay. Sleep time. Midterm to write tomorrow. Chau.

I shouldn't have slapped him when he said I needed 'a good filling'

2004-10-07 / 3:55 p.m.

blargho. I've got a world of things I could write about, but not really the time to do so now. I'm hoping to sit down this weekend and share my fascinating (ha ha) life. Still, a quickie for you kids:

I went to the stupid fucking dentist today. The outcome wasn't good by any means, but it wasn't as terrible as I thought, so I suppose I'm okay with it all. Just goes to show you that you should always expect the worst. Essentially, I have to get something similar to what I had done last February--a handful of little in-between-teeth-and-behind-teeth fillings, and two major ones for the cracked teeth. Here's what pisses me off: two of the fillings I have to get seem to be caused by negligence on the part of my last dentist. According to this dentist (who was surprisingly attractive and young) one of the fillings I have has some sort of cavity or decay behind it. He was really dodgy about blaming the other dentist, but you know how those medical types are about these things. Another of the fillings I had in February had come loose, and�here�s the worst part�the mother fucker came out during my cleaning. The dental hygienist was giving a sermon on plaque while she flossed my teeth when she clucked disapprovingly and said that she was about to dislodge a big chunk of food from between my teeth. I was kind of confused, because the only thing I had eaten in the past twelve hours and two brushings was apple sauce and yogurt�not exactly stick-between-your-teeth food. I didn�t have time to protest though before she victoriously popped the piece of floss between two of my upper right teeth. She held out on a tissue what she had unearthed in that disgusting way that dental hygenists do�am I the only one who notices this, and furthermore how gross it is? Anyway, I was like �umm, that looks like tooth, not food.� Her initial answer was �no, it�s food� �.then she looked at it again, tossed it in the trash, and continued with the flossing. About three minutes later, she very casually said �that was probably the loose filling we saw in the x-ray.� High five to you, dental h., you win the observant prize. It didn�t really hurt much then, but it sure as fuck does now. I�m glad that my next appointment is soon (a week from Wednesday). The silver lining of the morning was that my baking soda pressure wash has left my teeth a nice shiny white. I�m pretty unhappy that I�m going to have to pay a huge-ass dental bill in less than two weeks, but I�m thrilled that dentures or a root canal or any other unsavory orthodontic projects are in the cards.

I�ve been pretty gloomy lately. It isn�t too terrible though�nothing that getting into graduate school, winning the lottery, dropping 10 pounds, finishing my homework and midterms, writing something I could be proud of, discovering my purpose in life, producing workable environmental protection legislation, and taking a nap couldn�t solve.

Oh hey....I resized some pictures and wanted to upload them to gehennom, but I can't get pscp to work on the laptop, I don't understand. Can someone knowledgeable call me or get on AIM and try to walk me through what might be wrtong?

gatto nero

2004-10-03 / 6:44 p.m.

I hung out with Hill'ryBliss on Friday after her big super important (not really) business trip. I wish she could have stayed longer, though we had fun all the same. Enough time for burritos with Michelle and a trip to Wal Mart.
Hillary, as we approached: "I swear, it's like fucking mecca!"
So I went to black cat formal this Saturday night. Surprising, as I'm not generally into to the whole gato negro thing...but whatever. It was probably the last chance I'd ever have to dress up and go to a formal, so what the hell. Roger braved the monotony of GA316 and came to escort me, which was fun. He and I went with Kristen and Kyle, who were the cutest couple of Indie-lookin' kids I've seen in ages. Kristen in her bright yellow 60-chic thrift store dress with coordinating 60's mod jewelry. Kyle had cut his hair, though it still had the irreverent little blonde streak in the front. Dress slacks and shirt paired with sneakers and the two of them matched wonderfully, and were cuter than collectible salt and pepper shakers. Perhaps I'll put pictures up sometime in the near future, but there's really no photo editing software on the laptop of doom that I like to use for re-sizing, so we'll see. Anyway, it didn't suck like I thought that it might, so all is generally well. My fears were definitely founded....I mean, I felt self-conscious in my dress, and like a wet blanket with my general distaste (and ineptitude) for dancing, but I had a good time hanging out with various people. Didn't see anyone doing or wearing anything really outlandish, though I was amused by some acquaintances I had who were wearing Disney princess costumes....Cinderella, Pocahontas, and Snow White kicked ass....Heard Ariel and Tinkerbell were around someplace, though I never saw them. And, as I expected, many intoxicated folk.
Ung. Tomorrow marks the beginning of Operation fit-in-dress-I-bought-for-senior-investiture. Initially, I was going to blow off investiture anyway, but I've since learned that one of my favorite professors will be our speaker, and now I want to go. I bought a dress in Argentina that's p-e-r-f-e-c-t for it....simple, black, subtly sexy.....perfect, except for the fact that my ass has grown way too big for it. :( Anyway, it would break my heart to never be able to wear it, so I'm on a quest. You'll know if I succeed, because you'll see me wearing my kickass dress after the ceremony. If I fail, you'll know me by the girl who's pouting and nakkie under her graduation robes.
off to finish the spanish paper now I suppose. Chau.

scattered and smothered

2004-09-30 / 10:19 p.m.

I've had an occasional twitch in the lower lid of my right eye for two days now. Read into this what you will.
Watching the debate. Interesting stuff. In the less serious part of my mind, wondering if Kerry phrased it the way he did in order to bait the pronounciation of "nu-cu-ler." The more serious part of my mind is filled with darker, more pessimistic things. Things not fun enough for journal.
My computer is fucked. Coming to you now from The Laptop. Hopefully, with a payment of delicious burritos, Michael (formerly known as MikeB) can fix it.
Debate just about over. Now, something completely different.

Fear.

2004-09-27 / 10:44 a.m.

Oh maaaan. Really quick update just before I go to class.
The a/c people came to do maintenance on my palace during their rounds of air conditioning tour of noise and mess making....Seriously, I don�t think that there�s anything wrong...the AC works fine. They must just be replacing something, or, uh, something--no big deal. I wouldn�t care except for the fact that there�s now a gaping hole in my ceiling right above the AC. It looks nasty; I have a lovely view of exposed moldy pipes that�s uncomfortably close to being right above me as I sit at the computer. The first time a drip of foul water falls, or the first time I catch a glimpse of a livin� in the wall kinda critter, I�m raising hell. Maybe whatever they�re doing will get rid of the dampness in my room, but I doubt it.
I brought my webcam back to skoo.� I�m hoping to add �EmTV� pictures with greater frequency now, assuming that one of the sexy men in my life who have webspace will host them. Actually, I need to try uploading things to Gehennom again, though I�m mystified by the stuff that was changed. I probably shouldn�t be allowed space there, since I�m sure I�m destined to destroy everything...but I consider it a perk of having dated a ingeniously computery guy, and having several computery friends. I�m sure you all care.
Last night I tried caramel apple microwave popcorn. I was surprised that they make a �light� variety of something like caramel apple...it was delicious.
So I guess I�m going to black cat this year. I could be fun, though as I�ve said, I�m not really in the mood to go to an event where everyone�s trying to dress up super-hot....I�m sure that the day of, I�ll develop a goiter, Leprosy and the two (two! Ack. And they aren�t just little cracks either) cracked teeth I have will rot complete and fall out. Okay...I exaggerate, two of those options highly unlikely (the third not so much, I fear) but you get the idea.

Manufactured needs.

2004-09-25 / 9:59 a.m.

This day has the potential to be pretty good; I�m trying not to myself destroy it by working myself into a bad mood before I even shower.
Heh, my dad infrequently used a (rather unsavory) expression for moments like that...when someone was doing something fun, but was making it un-fun for themselves and others. He would say �::grumble grumble::...________, you could screw up a wet dream.� I don�t think I even had a clue as to what that meant until many many years after the first time I heard it. Is the use of vulgar language genetic? Anyway, in a few minutes, I�m going to bathe. Step one, right? After that, heading home to pick up a new cordless phone my mom bought for me. Those (few) of you who call me in real life know my phone frustration, and that I really do need a new one. After that, I have a credit on my Lerner Gold card, plus a gift certificate that�s about to expire there, so I�m going to buy 25$ worth of free clothes. This, I�m not thrilled about. It�ll be nice to have something new for my senior pictures and stuff, but I didn�t really want to buy any clothes before I dropped the unsightly weight that I�ve accumulated. I�d be a fool to let 10$ go to waste I suppose. Mergh. Also, I don�t really like shopping anymore. Without Hillary here to chat with and to accompany me in bargain hunting, it�s become merely a chore that makes me feel bad about myself. Look at all these nice things you can�t afford and would look terrible on you anyway!! Wheeee!!! With another bit of my paycheck, I want to buy a new pair of workout headphones and maybe a Discman to replace the one that broke over the summer. The headphones are a must though. My regular ones broke, reducing me to using the ear buds that came with my sport radio. Ear buds. ear buds. Who the hell likes these things!? Gargh. The Discman would be nice, as I�m sick of listening to NPR�s marketplace report and morning edition while I run...plus, having some soothing music for the dental visit of PAIN and HUMILIATION might be good.
After this stuff, I�m heading to Athens to hang out with Roger. It should be doubleplus fun if I�m not already a miserable bitch from shopping.
Ha ha ha, oh spell-check, you crack me up. Would that I listened to you, my frustration exclamations would be hilarious. The grouchy �mergh� would be �merge.� Disgusted �Gargh� would be a disgusted �Garth� and my sarcastically joyous �Wheeeee� would be a mere �Wheeze.�
Dude. Guess what I did all by myself last night...I changed my own tire. I gotta� say, the accomplishment bank has had a low balance lately, but I was proud of this. Filled the patched tire, put the car on the jack, took the doughnut off, put the regular tire on, and didn�t have to ask a second pair of hands to dirty themselves. Heh, I�ll be riding on this self-esteem high until the tire comes off on the highway and the car goes spinning out of control. Oh, the dangers of being prideful.
One last thing...and this is big. Sometime this week, I�ll finally be joining the majority within my socioeconomic class, and have my own cellular phone. I�ve always maintained that I didn�t need one enough to justify the expense, but lately not having one has posed a problem. I have to admit, it will be nice. I have to call several schools this week to ask questions and stuff, and I�m only applying to one in this area code. With an off campus job that I only do once a week, communication is necessary. Don�t even get me started on what an outcast I was during the power outage having only a cordless phone. I feel almost like I�m giving in, after getting along so well for so long without one. Eh, times change I suppose, and maybe I do need it now...or at least need as much as the average Joe does. My goal now is not to be one of those obnoxious people who is always using it in totally inappropriate settings, but that�s a whole �nother diatribe that I can deal with later.
Now, the shower.