Weekly World News

2007-01-23 / 7:40 a.m.

Report: Global Warming is Here
CBS News, New York City, NY, USA
(AP) Human-caused global warming is here � visible in the air, water and melting ice � and is destined to get much worse in the future, an authoritative global scientific report will warn next week�..The future is bleak, scientists said.

Businesses Groups Join with Environmental Groups on Global Warming
MarketWatch�USA
Yep...Even big corporations like DuPont, General Electric and BP see that there�s a problem at this point: "A group of leading environmental organizations and U.S.-based businesses" that "have a combined market capitalization of more than $750 billion" are apparently putting pressure on legislators and the White House to make some legislation now rather than later, in the hopes that the restrictions on industry will be less harsh today than they would be a few years down the line. If you�re one of the jerks still refusing to believe the whole climate change problem, or its massive importance, your allies are growing thin. Businesses are looking to push legislation that might reduce their profits.

Global Warming Splits American Views
AngusReid Global Monitor, Vancouver, BC, Canada
This just in: new poll causes your writer to feel contempt for America first thing this morning. Seemingly reputable telephone poll shows that 24% of Americans care "just some" about global warming, 22% care "hardly at all." Who will lead the crusade to save the earth? The lame 26% of Americans who care "a great deal about global warming." And we know half of those people were probably inflating their answers because they didn�t want to sound like douchebags.

SPECIAL BONUS! Global warming leads to several minuted advanced on the Doomsday Clock. I didn't even know there was a "doomsday clock" and now I find out that we're at 5 'till midnight? Fuck.

....And I still can't really do anything about it--even though I've replaced over half of the lights in the house with energy efficient bulbs. Fuck all. Goodnight, Moon.

Frank had a dream. A household dream

2007-01-17 / 10:04 p.m.

What will I do with all my novelty tee shirts when I have a job? I kind of envy the CS types, who can score a First Real Job� where they can wear the same crap to work that they wore in school.

A suggestion to editors of philosophy books: there is no reason to use (on average) more than one exclamation point per 200 pages of text. Seriously. Unfortunately, exclamation points will not make your content more interesting, nor will it make your arguments easier to understand.

So yeah�I�m taking a class that is heavily concentrated on philosophy. More specifically, �the political philosophy under-girding many of the values inherent in policy discourse.� I think I have made a grave error in constructing my schedule for this semester, as I understand very little of the reading. I thought I understood microeconomics before reading about it in a philosophy textbook. This pain is somewhat lessened by the fact that I've got a class with the dreamboat professor that everyone loves. That's always nice.

Speaking of errors, I make the mistake of turning on American Idol and watching for about a half hour this evening. How can anyone watch this?! The worst part is the studly dude that hangs around outside and interviews the loser rejects before and after their (disastrous) auditions. He pretty much works the 3rd grader routine, wherein CoolGuy A humiliates Dork B by whipping DorkB into a froth so that he just keeps talking and talking, sounding increasingly retarded while CoolGuyA encourages him. Oldest trick in the douchebag book.

Yesterday I pulled up to a yellow Xterra. Logan Echolls was not behind the wheel.

I�ve been kind of scattered lately. My brain is too full�thoughts about now, thoughts about later, regrets about the past, things I miss about the past, trying to figure out the appreciate course for the future, doubts about what I�m doing, trying to make some priorities�.And then I realize yesterday that I�m too old to call it a �quarter life crisis�.

Edit: is �studly guy� Ryan Seacrest?! He doesn�t seem particularly gay�just stupid.