Verbal Incontinence

2003-02-17 / 3:18 p.m.

Had an appointment with my advisor today. I made it as a help-with-study-abroad-curriculum-meeting, but it turned into a get-to-know-your-new-advisee meeting. Now, I love my advisor, and now that we know each other better, I like her even more. She's great. crazy. interesting. smart. I enjoy talking to her. All that jazz....but I have serious problems talking to her. I don't know what it is, but I am entirely too honest around her. I consider myself a pretty honest person anyway, but this woman brings out the extremes. That little barrier in my brain that's supposed to keep some things from being said just never kicks in. She must slip something into my coffee every time I meet with her, because this is a regular problem. Today, along with managing to mildly insult her alma mater (not too badly, my foot wasn't quite in my mouth), airing my thoughts about the inefficiencies of various extracurriculars, and sounding like a conceited ass talking about how I don't get C's in classes, I totally loosed the flood gates about my growing disappointment with one of my classes. This wouldn�t be a big deal elsewhere, but in such a small school, I like to try to watch what I say a little, because everyone is 6 degrees of separation away (or less). She asked me if I liked the class, I said no. She asked me why, I told her: The lectures are boring, the class is too unstructured, I don't feel like I'm learning much...meanwhile, in my brain, I'm screaming at myself to shut up. My internal voice is pounding on the side of my head, shouting "You don't have to tell her everything! lie! she won't know!!! What is wrong with you?!!? Don't SAY that!!!" I still keep going. Ah, I don't know what she thinks of me and my lack of conversational restraint. Plus, it doesn�t help that I tend to get kind of flustered, especially talking about things outside of what I prepared for. Still, all these many problems aside, I think it went alright....I�m not sure why, but I think it did. I like her, and I hope she likes me. It�s good to have an advisor who thinks highly of you�the recommendations are better. :) I'm going in this time next week to talk about declaring formally....I'm not putting my coffee down near her. You know, come to think of it...I should probably just avoid the caffiene entirely, I don't need to be as keyed up as I usually am.